Dilli ki hawa aajkal itni thick hai ki lagta hai sab log ek giant agarbatti ke andar reh rahe hain.

Mask pehno toh suffocation, mask utaaro toh mutation. Aur har zodiac sign ka apna alag jugad, reaction aur philosophy hai iss toxic time pe.

Let’s inhale responsibly (metaphorically) and see — zodiac wise, kaun kaise survive kar raha hai smog season mein. 

♈ Aries – “Main toh jogging pe gaya tha, ab bas khansi aa rahi hai.”

Action-oriented as always, ye log pollution se bhi fight karte hain — literally.
Air quality index 600 ho ya phone mein dhoop ka filter, inka motto hai: “Challenge accepted.”
Par do din baad khud hi bolte hue milte hain — “Bas ab treadmill ghar pe hi lagwa lunga.”

♉ Taurus – “Main ghar mein hoon aur diffuser chal raha hai.”

Comfort over everything. Ye log mask ke upar bhi moisturiser laga ke nikalte hain, aur ghar mein air purifier ka jugaad candle aur camphor se kar lete hain. Bahar ki hawa toxic hai? Fine. Unke room ki hawa lavender-flavoured hai.

♊ Gemini – “Mujhe toh lagta hai AQI fake news hai.”

Har din nayi theory ke saath aate hain. Kabhi kehte hain “Yeh sab propaganda hai,” toh kabhi “Actually, kuch logon ko suit karta hai yeh weather.” Do minute baad Insta story dalte hain: “Can’t breathe lol.”

♋ Cancer – “Main sabke liye homemade kadha bana rahi hoon.”

Inka defence system hai — emotion aur haldi. Mask bhi washable, kadha bhi organic. .Khud ke saath saath poori family aur neighbours ko bhi immunity ka dose dete rehte hain.

♌ Leo – “Main toh designer mask hi pehenta hoon.”

Smog bhi inke fashion sense ke saamne fail hai. Matching mask, coordinating outfit, aur ek air purifier unke selfie frame mein visible hota hi hai. Har saans mein–in fact har cough mein glamour.

♍ Virgo – “Main ne AQI tracker app install kiya hai.”

Inke phone mein 3 pollution apps, 2 air filters aur 1 emergency plan ready rehte hain. Subah uthte hi oxygen level check karte hain jaise stock market ka chart ho. Bahar tabhi nikalte hain jab wind direction unke horoscope se align kare.

♎ Libra – “Mujhe toh balcony mein bas ek candle jalaani hoti hai.”

Inhe har problem aesthetically solve karni hoti hai. Mask bhi pastel, air purifier bhi Instagram-worthy. AQI 500 bhi ho toh unke room mein fairy lights aur eucalyptus smell ka vibe rehta hai.

♏ Scorpio – “Main sirf raat mein bahar nikalta hoon.”

Pollution toh excuse hai, asli reason hai mystery maintain karna. Raat ka dark, mask, aur hoodie — Scorpio ke liye full dramatic setup hota hai. Air quality ke saath mood swings bhi thode toxic bante rehte hain.

♐ Sagittarius – “Main toh mountains chala gaya.”

Yeh pollution se deal nahi karte, escape karte hain. Ek random day bolenge — “Bas ho gaya, mujhe pahadon pe jana hai.” 2 days later Insta pe photo: “Fresh air. Inner peace.” Meanwhile Delhi: grey filter.

♑ Capricorn – “Main ne ghar ke liye 3 air purifiers liye hain.”

Ye log pollution ko project bana dete hain. Budget, ROI, filter replacement schedule — sab ready. Office aur discipline ke beech ek bhi cough unhe productivity loss lagta hai.

♒ Aquarius – “Main ne eco-friendly DIY mask banaya hai.”

Inventors of jugaad — inke mask bamboo fiber aur upcycled tote bag se bane hote hain. Aur social media pe ek post bhi hoti hai: “Save the planet, start with your breath.” Unhe dekh ke mann karta hai ki aap inke liye Greenpeace mein inka CV forward kar de..

♓ Pisces – “Main ne hawa se dosti kar li.”

Ye log poetic level pe cope karte hain. Window ke bahar dekhte hue kahenge “Dhool bhi toh zindagi ka hissa hai…” Phir 5 minute baad khansi maar ke reality mein wapas aa jaate hain.

About Author

Abbas Momin is a stand up comedian, writer, and podcaster. He has written columns for The Indian Express, Rolling Stone India and GQ India. Abbas has also hosted a film podcast called 'Has It Aged Well?' and does regular appearances on Cyrus Broacha's show 'Cyrus Says'. He has acted in the film 'Ghoomer' and the web series 'Very Parivarik'.