Tedhe Samachaar ki Seedhi Baat

- Meerut ke ek dulhe ne bio-data ki jagah full PowerPoint pitch deck bana diya.
- Slides me romance ke saath-saath “CAGR”, “stable returns” aur “low emotional volatility” jaise finance terms chipka diye.
- Internet poochta reh gaya — shaadi ka ad hai ya investment pitch?
-Ek famous finance expert ne bhi bol diya: “Wildest pitch deck of my life.”
-Verdict: Banda rishta nahi, portfolio diversification dhoond raha tha.

A WELL-KNOWN banker/investment guru stumbled upon a matrimonial ad so quirky, so PPT-pilled, ki online duniya ne ek hi verdict diya — “Bhai, yeh love nahi, yeh long-term SIP lag raha hai.”

Slide-1: The Viral Presentation

Meerut ke ek banda ne socha ki normal matrimonial ads bohot ho gayi — “Fair, tall, homely, working/non-working” waali template ab outdated lagti hogi.

Toh bhai ne kya kiya?

Ek full spanking new PowerPoint presentation bana diya.

Haan, wohi — jismein normally “Q3 outlook” aur “growth trajectory” hota hai, usme is bande ne apni “husband value proposition” daal di.

PPT me promise kiya gaya:

“Agar aap mujhe choose karoge, toh aapki life ka CAGR improve hoga.”

“Main long-term value dunga; short-term volatility ignore karo.”

Internet bola: “Bhai, shaadi chahiye ya seed funding?”

Slide-2: Bio Data Ya Balance Sheet?

Is presentation me bande ne apni height-weight-descendant-shock value ke saath saath…

asset allocation, risk appetite aur behavioural finance bhi chipka diya.

Ek slide toh literally bol rahi thi:

“Partner will benefit from stable returns, low emotional volatility.”

Lay person translation:

“Main drama nahi karta, par bhai, itna bhi stable nahi hona chahiye ki lagge FD khareed li hai.”

Slide-3: The Banker Who Fell Off His Chair

Ek well-known banker/investment guru ne ye ad dekha aur bola:

“This is the wildest pitch deck of my life.”

Aur online junta immediately samajh gayi ki yeh banda shaadi nahi,

portfolio diversification dhoond raha hai.

Comments aaye:

“Shaadi ka nahi, quarterly earnings ka feel aa raha hai.”

“Bhai ne romance ko EBITDA bana diya.”

“Dil se yaad rakhna: ‘Past performance is not indicative of future returns.’”

Slide-4: Market Sentiment – Fully Bullish

Internet ne is bande ko roast bhi kiya, aur praise bhi.

Kuch log impressed the:

“At least banda honest hai. PPT banane ka matlab serious intentions.”

Kuch log confused the:

“Shaadi ho gayi to kya honeymoon ke baad exit load lagega?”

Aur kuch log downright philosophical:

“Love is the ultimate bear market recovery.”

Slide-5: Final Takeaway (Like Any Good PPT)

Bhai… tumhara pyaar bhi slide number 7 ke footnote jaisa confusing hai.

Par kam se kam duniya ko pata toh chala ki Meerut mein bhi unicorn founder-energy wale log rehte hain!

Moral of the story:

India me shaadi ka market kabhi slow nahi padta —

kabhi kundli dekh ke rishta hota hai,

kabhi taarikh dekh ke,

aur kabhi…

PPT deck ke executive summary se.

**

BOING FAQ's

 

WHO?
Meerut ka ek PPT-loving dulha.

WHAT?
Shaadi ke liye full investor-style pitch deck banaya.

WHEN?
Jab ad viral hua and finance internet burst out laughing.

WHERE?
Online — matrimonial meets mutual funds zone.

WHY?
Because “long-term value” ko highlight karna tha, apparently.

HOW?
CAGR, stability, returns, risk appetite — sab slides mein daal diya.

About Author
Abbas Momin is a stand up comedian, writer, and podcaster. He has written columns for The Indian Express, Rolling Stone India and GQ India. Abbas has also hosted a film podcast called 'Has It Aged Well?' and does regular appearances on Cyrus Broacha's show 'Cyrus Says'. He has acted in the film 'Ghoomer' and the web series 'Very Parivarik'.