AKA: TV Serial nahi, yeh humare ghar ki kahaani hai (bas, with better lighting).

INDIAN TV serials sirf show nahi hote. Yeh endurance tests hote hain. Inka plot 40 episode mein khatam ho jaata hai, uske baad agle 1000 episode tak sirf ego aur background score chalta hai.

Hum sab bolte hain: "Chee, main yeh sab nahi dekhta." Lekin hum sabko pata hai ki uss Badi Bindi waali aunty ne Adarsh Bahu ke kheer mein kya milaya tha. Hum sabne woh 3-baar camera zoom hone waala drama dekha hai. (Jhooth mat bolo, paap lagega.)

Toh chalo, remote uthao aur volume badhao. Yeh guide unke liye hai jo jaante hain ki asli politics parliament mein nahi, kitchen mein hoti hai.

1. The "Ganga-Jamuna" Bahu (Perpetual Victim)

Default Expression: Geeli aankhein aur Haye Ram waali saans. Inke saath kabhi kuch accha nahi hota. Agar yeh chai banayengi, toh doodh phat jayega. Agar yeh pooja karengi, toh diya bujh jayega (Bad Omen Alert!).

Yeh log Balidaan ki Devi hain. Inka poora personality hai: "Main seh loongi." Inke aansuon se poora shahar paani pee sakta hai. Har episode mein inki bezzati hoti hai, par yeh ghar chhod ke nahi jayengi. Kyunki agar yeh chali gayi, toh serial ka TRP gir jayega.

MOST LIKELY TO BE: Cancer, Pisces (Inki boundary nahi hoti, sirf 'majboori' hoti hai)

2. The "Dheema Zeher" Mastermind (Silent Gamer)

Yeh kabhi chillati nahi. Yeh kabhi pallu gira ke drama nahi karti. Yeh kitchen ke kone mein khadi hoke bas...muskurati hai.

Inka weapon awaaz nahi, suggestion hai. Yeh casually bolengi: "Mummyji, main bas keh rahi thi..." aur aadhe ghante baad ghar mein Mahabharat shuru. Sabko lagta hai yeh billi hai, par audience jaanti hai ki yeh naagin hai. Yeh Chess khel rahi hain jabki baaki sab Ludo khel rahe hain.

MOST LIKELY TO BE: Scorpio, Aquarius (Inka vaar dikhta nahi, bas feel hota hai)

3. The "Heavy Metal" Vamp (Volume = Power)

Entry: Thunder sound effect. Costume: 5 kilo ki saree, 2 kilo ki jewellery, aur matha itna bada ki uspar helicopter land ho jaye.

Logic baad mein aata hai, pehle inki bindi aati hai. Yeh baat-baat pe insult karti hain. Yeh har cheez ko personal leti hain. Inka kaam hai jeena haram karna, aur yeh apna kaam poori honesty se karti hain. Galat ho sakti hain, par boring kabhi nahi. Jab yeh screen pe aati hain, toh background music bhi dar ke maare loud ho jaata hai.

MOST LIKELY TO BE: Leo, Aries (Inke bina serial, serial nahi, documentary lagega)

4. The "Mummy Ji" (Emotional Blackmail CEO)

Inka weapon chillana nahi hai. Inka weapon hai: "Mere Seene Mein Dard."

Yeh log direct attack nahi karte. Yeh guilt use karte hain. "Beta, humare zamaane mein toh..." "Maine tumhare liye kya kya nahi kiya..." "Main khaana nahi khaungi."

Bhai, inka strike rate 100% hai. Yeh manipulation ko 'Pyaar' aur 'Sanskar' ka naam deke bechti hain. Aur sabse khatarnaak baat? Yeh khud ko villain maanti bhi nahi. Inhe lagta hai yeh "ghar bacha rahi hain."

MOST LIKELY TO BE: Capricorn, Virgo (Control freak, lekin 'Aashirwad' ke roop mein)

5. The "Furniture" Husband (Bina Reedh ki Haddi)

Yeh aadmi show mein hai kyun? Yeh hamesha confused rehta hai. Yeh hamesha office se late aata hai jab main drama khatam ho chuka hota hai. Aur jab conflict hota hai, toh iska dialogue fix hai: "Tum dono shaant ho jao na please!"

Bas. Contribution khatam. Mummy kuch bolegi toh Mummy sahi. Biwi kuch bolegi toh Biwi sahi. Audience wait karti rehti hai ki yeh kabhi toh spine grow karega. Spoiler: Nahi karega. Yeh insaan nahi hai, yeh sofa set ke saath free aaya hua prop hai.

MOST LIKELY TO BE: Libra, Pisces (Faisla lena inke bas ki baat nahi hai)

6. The "Superwoman" Bahu (Atlas)

Yeh roti bhi bana leti hai. Yeh business bhi sambhaal leti hai. Yeh kidnapping case bhi solve kar leti hai. Yeh court mein case bhi ladd leti hai.

Yeh victim nahi banti, yeh problem solver hai. Ghar girne wala hota hai, toh yeh akele apne kandhon pe utha leti hai. Koi 'Thank You' nahi bolta. Ulta Mummy ji bolti hain: "Chalo, ab chai banao." Aur yeh bana bhi deti hai.

MOST LIKELY TO BE: Taurus, Capricorn (Bina taaliyon ke show chalana inhi ko aata hai)

Final Soap-Level Sachai

Dekho doston. Saas-bahu soaps humein exaggerated lagte hain kyunki wahan log loudly woh baatein bol dete hain jo hum real life mein quietly sochte hain.

Yeh characters unrealistic nahi hain. Bas inka volume high hai (aur lighting kaafi acchi hai).

Aur sach bataein? Astrology ki tarah, ek baar tumne yeh pattern dekh liya...toh agli baar jab tumhari Mummy ya Chachi koi taana marengi, tumhe gussa nahi aayega. Tumhe bas background mein "Dhoom Tana Nana" sunayi dega.

Aur life thodi zyada entertaining ho jayegi!