POV: Group Project mein phanse ho aur sirf Capricorn hi akela zimmedaar insaan hai. AKA, kaise 11 jokers ko sambhalne ke liye ek Goat ko bakra banaya jaata hai.

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GROUP PROJECT ka funda simple hona chahiye: "Sab kaam karo, sab pass ho jao."

Par asliyat? Asliyat mein yeh ek psychological experiment hai jahan yeh dekha jaata hai ki ek Capricorn kitni jaldi apna mansik santulan kho baithta hai aur kab dictator ban jaata hai.

Sach bolun toh, agar Capricorns na hote na, toh aadhe log toh aaj bhi college canteen mein baithe hote, "vibes" ke bharose degree ka wait karte hue.

Swagat hai Capricorn Survival Guide mein. Seat belt baandh lo, kyunki ab dhulai shuru hone waali hai.

PHASE 1: "MERE SAATH HI KYUN?" (SABKI POL KHOL)

Capricorn subah uth ke yeh decide nahi karta ki "Chalo aaj main dictator banunga."

Nahi mere bhai. Capricorn banta hai Supreme Leader kyunki baaki poora Zodiac "academic self-destruct" karne pe tula hua hai.

Zara team ki haalat toh dekho:

• Fire Signs: Yeh woh hain jo pehle din group chat pe aag laga denge—"Bhai phod denge! Top marenge!"—aur uske baad seedha presentation waale din dikhenge. Zero kaam, full attitude.

• Air Signs: "Bro, report boring hai, skit karte hain na? Video banate hain?" Abey dhakkan, submission kal subah hai, aur tujhe nukkad natak karna hai? Ghost karne mein number 1.

• Water Signs: Inko slide ka background colour "negative energy" de raha hai. Aadho ka toh breakup chal raha hai, aadhe bathroom mein ro rahe hain kyunki kisi ne unka idea reject kar diya. Kaam? Woh kya hota hai?

• Baaki Earth Signs: Taurus so raha hai. Virgo abhi tak pehle paragraph ka comma fix kar raha hai.

Toh jab Capricorn dekhta hai ki yeh naav doobne waala hai, toh unke andar ka "Baap" jaag uthta hai.

Inhe shauk nahi hai control ka, zaroorat hai. Kyunki tumhe toh fail hone se darr nahi lagta, par inhe apni CV pyaari hai.

PHASE 2: EXCEL SHEET — PYAAR NAHI, AUZAAR HAI

Logon ko lagta hai Capricorn ko spreadsheets se ishq hai.

Galat. Iss galat fehmi mein mat raho. Excel sheet inke liye ek weapon hai.

Woh jo colour-coded timeline aati hai na group pe? Woh itinerary nahi hai, woh Charge Sheet hai. Woh saboot hai ki kaun kaam kar raha hai aur kaun sirf group mein muft ki saans le raha hai.

Capricorn ko sab pata hai:

• Tumne bola "researching"... Cappy ko pata hai tum Insta pe Reel scroll kar rahe ho.

• Tumne bola "almost done"... Cappy ko pata hai tumne file kholi bhi nahi hai.

Jab Cappy cell A4 mein tumhara naam daalta hai, toh woh delegation nahi hai, woh seedhi dhamki hai: "Beta kar le, warna professor ko screenshot bhej dunga."

PHASE 3: "JUST CHECKING IN :)" = MAUT KA FARMAAN

Agar aapko Capricorn se message aaya hai: "Hey guys, bas check kar raha tha kahan tak pahunche! :)" Bhai, bhaag lo. Zameen mein gadda khod ke chup jao.

Yeh smiley nahi hai. Yeh warning hai. Iska matlab hai: "Main abhi tameez se baat kar raha hoon, lekin agar 15 minute mein reply nahi aaya, toh main tumhara aisa 'system' hilaunga ki degree toh door, college gate ke andar bhi nahi aa paoge."

Agla message bina smiley ke aayega. Aur woh message nahi hoga, woh seedha bezzati hogi.

PHASE 4: GOD OF DESTRUCTION MODE ("TUM REHNE DO, MAIN KHUD KAR LUNGA")

Yahan aata hai Capricorn ka woh toxic trait jo humara favourite hai: Majboori ka naam inspiration nahi, Capricorn hai.

Tumne slide bheji? Waah.

Cappy ne usko dekha, ek gehri saans li, sar pit liya, aur poora delete karke phir se likha.

Kyun?

Kyunki tumne Wikipedia se chepa tha aur formatting ki aisi taisi kar di thi.

Capricorn ko "redo" ka shauk nahi hai, unhe "fail" hone se allergy hai.

Aur sach baat toh yeh hai unka version tumhare waale se 100 guna better hai.

Tum bas side mein khade hoke taali bajao aur bolo "Wow team work!", jabki Cappy ki aankhein screen ghoor-ghoor ke laal ho chuki hain raat ke 3 baje.

PHASE 5: SANNAATA (THE SILENCE)

Submission ke baad, jab tum group chat pe naachte ho: "We killed it bro! Party?"

Aur Capricorn kuch nahi bolta?

Bas "👍" bhejta hai?

Yeh maturity nahi hai.

Yeh hisaab-kitaab chal raha hai.

Unhone dimaag mein ek blacklist bana li hai jismein tumhara naam top pe hai.

Woh celebration mode mein nahi hai, woh apni neend aur chain ka shok mana rahe hain jo tumhari wajah se qurban hui.

REALITY CHECK

Dekh bhai, seedhi baat hai: Duniya "positive vibes" pe nahi chalti. Duniya chalti hai deadlines aur khauf pe. Aur jab tumhari anxiety chutti pe chali jaati hai, tab Capricorn ki anxiety overtime karti hai.

Haan, woh bossy hain.

Haan, unke message padh ke lagta hai HR ne warning letter bheja hai.

Lekin jab presentation ke din professor "Very Good" bolta hai na? Toh yaad rakhna, woh taareef tumhari "vibes" ki nahi hai. Woh taareef uss Capricorn ki hai jisne tumhare failaye hue raaite ko samet ke biryani banaya hai. Capricorn ne system hijack nahi kiya. Capricorn ne tumhari izzat bachaayi hai.

Toh agli baar jab koi Cappy bole "font change kar", toh argue mat karna. Chup chap change karna, thank you bolna, aur unhe chai-coffee pilana. Kyunki unke bina, tumhara group project sirf ek "Group Trauma Session" banke reh jaata.