FEBRUARY is the shortest month of the year, which means you have to work twice as hard to ruin your life efficiently. But don’t worry, we believe in your potential. Whether you’re ‘manifesting’ a text from a toxicity-machine or threatening your boss with "Tu jaanta nahi mera baap kaun hai" (plot twist: your dad is a retired bank clerk), the stars have a plan for your humiliation.

Here is your official Chaos Checklist. Print it out, stick it on your fridge next to the diet plan you abandoned, and tick the boxes honestly. If you score more than 3/5, congratulations—you are the reason the collective vibration of the universe is currently "Stress."

♈ Aries: The "Main Character" Kalesh

• [ ] Started a fight in the Instagram comments because "someone was wrong."

• [ ] Decided to start a startup, a podcast, and a gym routine all at 2:00 AM.

• [ ] Told your boss "Tu jaanta nahi mera baap kaun hai" (even though your dad is just a sweet, retired man).

• [ ] Spent your entire savings on an impulsive hobby you'll forget by Tuesday.

• [ ] Screamed "Main hi protagonist hoon!" at a red light.

♉ Taurus: The "Ziddi" Couch Potato

• [ ] Cancelled plans with a "I'm sick" text while eating a third plate of biryani.

• [ ] Cried about being broke but did online shopping for ₹900 because "vibe zaroori hai."

• [ ] Refused to admit you were wrong even after seeing the Google Maps evidence.

• [ ] Wore the same sweatpants for 4 days straight because "comfort is a lifestyle."

• [ ] Hid your favourite snacks from your own family inside a literal tijori.

♊ Gemini: The "Do-Muha" Radio Station

• [ ] Spilled a "top secret" within 45 seconds of hearing it.

• [ ] Sent a 10-minute voice note that could have been a 3-word text.

• [ ] Gaslit yourself into thinking you have 15 different personalities today.

• [ ] Ghosted someone for a week and then replied with "Lol, sorry I was sleeping."

• [ ] Agreed to three different parties at the same time and went to none.

♋ Cancer: The "Sensitive" Emotional Blackmailer

• [ ] Sent a "K." text just to see how fast the other person panics.

• [ ] Cried over a video of a puppy eating a biscuit.

• [ ] Reminded your friend of something mean they said in 2012.

• [ ] Cooked an entire meal for people just so you could feel like a martyr.

• [ ] Checked your ex’s profile "just to see if they are still ugly."

♌ Leo: The "Self-Obsessed" Spotlight Hogger

• [ ] Posted 24 stories of the same sunset because your face looked "okay" in one.

• [ ] Checked your reflection in a shop window for so long the owner called security.

• [ ] Turned a normal conversation about the weather into a 20-minute monologue about your hair.

• [ ] Got offended because someone didn't like your photo within the first 3 seconds.

• [ ] Walked into a room and expected a standing ovation.

♍ Virgo: The "Overthinking" Micromanager

• [ ] Colour-coded your spice rack while your actual life was falling apart.

• [ ] Judged someone silently for using the wrong 'your/you're' in a WhatsApp group.

• [ ] Made a "To-Do" list for your "To-Do" lists.

• [ ] Corrected the waiter on how the menu should have been formatted.

• [ ] Cleaned the ceiling fan because you couldn't sleep thinking about the dust.

♎ Libra: The "Aesthetic-Obsessed" Fence-Sitter

• [ ] Took 45 minutes to decide between "Seafoam Green" and "Mint" for a t-shirt.

• [ ] Flirted with the delivery guy just to check if you've "still got it."

• [ ] Avoided a confrontation by pretending to be invisible.

• [ ] Spent three hours editing a photo to look "effortless."

• [ ] Agreed with two people who were fighting with each other.

♏ Scorpio: The "Deep-Sea" Brooder

• [ ] Stalked someone’s cousin’s best friend’s cat just to find a "connection."

• [ ] Planned a 5-step revenge plot for someone who didn't hold the lift for you.

• [ ] Said "I’m fine" with a look that clearly meant "I will haunt your dreams."

• [ ] Deleted all your social media for 2 hours to see who would notice.

• [ ] Kept a secret that wasn't even yours to keep.

♐ Sagittarius: The "Loudmouth" Explorer

• [ ] Said something "brutally honest" that actually just ruined the wedding vibe.

• [ ] Booked a trip to a place you can't afford with money you don't have.

• [ ] Started a philosophy debate at a darun party.

• [ ] Lost your keys, your phone, and your dignity in the same night.

• [ ] Told your parents you're "finding yourself" (you were just at the mall).

♑ Capricorn: The "CEO of Sadness"

• [ ] Checked your emails while your partner was trying to be romantic.

• [ ] Felt guilty for sleeping more than 5 hours on a Sunday.

• [ ] Corrected your dad’s tax filing "just for fun."

• [ ] Wore a formal shirt for a Zoom call while wearing no pants underneath.

• [ ] Calculated the ROI (Return on Investment) of a first date.

♒ Aquarius: The "System Update" Alien

• [ ] Pretended not to know a trending song because "main mainstream nahi hoon."

• [ ] Bought a weird gadget that supposedly "cleans your aura" (it’s just a lamp).

• [ ] Ghosted your friend group to go on a "solo spiritual journey" to a cafe.

• [ ] Explained a conspiracy theory to someone who just asked for the time.

• [ ] Wore a neon outfit to a funeral just to "break the vibe."

♓ Pisces: The "Delusional" Jal-Pari

• [ ] Fell in love with a stranger on the metro and planned the wedding in your head.

• [ ] Believed a lie you told yourself five minutes ago.

• [ ] Spent two hours staring at a wall thinking about "the universe."

• [ ] Bought "healing crystals" instead of paying your electricity bill.

• [ ] Cried because a fictional character in a book had a minor headache.